Dore E Frances, Founder of Horizon Family Solutions, LLC, has been accepted and recognized in the Circuit Court for the State of Oregon, in and for the County of Coos, as a court approved Parent Coordinator
Released on = August 28, 2006, 10:51 am
Press Release Author = Dore E. Frances, Founder of Horizon Family Solutions, LLC
Industry = Education
Press Release Summary = Dore Frances completed her OFI (Oregon Family Institute Training) and now meets the national standards of practice for parent coordinators.
Press Release Body = With her focus on at-risk adolescents for over 10 years, Ms. Frances is now offering a new service of Horizon Family Solutions - providing parenting coordinator services to parents and programs who have adolescents and teens in outdoor programs and residential boarding schools. A Parent Coordinator is an impartial third party available to assist programs/schools, their parents and the adolescent, in resolving issues relating to parenting and other family issues prior to their child moving on to their next program or school after wilderness, or prior to graduation or returning home from their residential program.
As a Parent Coordinator, the program/school, parents and their adolescent can be assisted with:
Clarifying priorities prior to returning home or moving on to their next program or school
Developing a parenting plan that meets the needs of the program/school, adolescent, and the parents
Exploring possibilities for problem solving
Developing methods of collaboration in parenting
Identifying disputed issues
Reducing misunderstandings between the program/school, parents and adolescents
This situation is different than when we are Parenting Coordinator\'s assigned by the court. In this situation the goal is not to modify any order, judgment or decree of the court. However, we may suggest that the parents agree to minor temporary departures from a current parenting plan if they are authorized by the court to do so. At times parents decide to divorce just prior to, or while their child is attending their residential treatment program or school. One way to help the program, the parents and their adolescent through this early stage is to have the assistance of a Parenting Coordinator to openly discuss what is happening in the family.
In some cases, it makes more sense for the adolescent to hear about the decision to separate from both parents who have additional support with the program and the Parent Coordinator.
If this is the case, the Parent Coordinator makes sure that they work with the adolescent's therapist or program staff. They repeatedly tell the adolescent that both parents will always love them and that they will always be a family. The difference will be that when they return home from their program, there will be two households.
This is where a Parenting Plan can assist.
The Parenting Plan addresses any concerns the adolescent may have like the need to maintain a relationship with both parents. It is very important that the adolescent understand that their relationship with both parents is forever and that they will never be abandoned. The Parent Coordinator, along with the program staff, can help explain that a divorce does not end their relationship with either parent. The marriage may end, however, the parent-child relationship will continue. Generally, for an adolescent in a youth program or boarding school, short, clear explanations are best. As we know, they do not have to understand everything all at once. Their understanding of the divorce will evolve in their program/school and as they get older.
It is also a benefit that we will be able to work with their program therapist/support staff in their behavior modification program or boarding school which means the program staff as well as the parents and the adolescent receive additional support. Another important message for kids to hear is that in no way is the divorce their fault, nor are they able to keep the parents together.
When the idea of parents separating is completely new to the adolescent, reinforcement that we are all there to make every effort to keep things stable for them, is extremely important and valuable to their program progress. At the same time, we let them know about upcoming changes. Remember that adolescents will ask the same questions repeatedly. This is normal and is their way of gaining a sense of security and reassurance about the future. It is important to keep our answers simple and consistent. As the Parent Coordinator I am there to support your staff, the parents and the adolescent in all these areas. It is very important that both parents reinforce that the separation/divorce is taking place because of differences between the parents.
Working with the adolescent's therapist/support staff in their program helps the parents conduct conversations without damaging or disparaging remarks about the other parent. Adolescents adjust more easily when parents show a healthy sense of respect and caring for the other parent despite difficult circumstances.
Co-parenting responsibilities apply to all parents whether they are married or divorced. The extent that parents can effectively co-parent their children greatly determines how children will adjust after returning home from their emotional growth program or school. Parents who have a child returning home after graduation or completion of their program will now have to start dealing with more day-to-day issues concerning their adolescent's welfare.
Decisions, like those concerning religion, discipline, finances, morality, recreation, physical health, education and emergencies need to be discussed prior to their coming home. This is more than just a program home contract. These decisions need to be discussed and made jointly. Remember that married parents often have differing ideas about all or some of these issues. This is to be expected. There is no reason to assume that divorced parents may always agree on them either. It is better for parents to agree to disagree and practice compromising than to argue and fight endlessly for their own way. This, however, is often easier said than done, as we in this business all know. Parents who chose their battles and cooperate when there are differences are more likely to make healthy decisions for their adolescent. In fact, nurturing an overall spirit of cooperation is more important than parents agreeing on any one particular issue. Also, parents who acknowledge and effectively deal with their own difficult feelings usually have an easier time. On the other hand, recurrent arguments between parents make life difficult for the program staff, the adolescent and parents alike.
When parents fight for their own agenda and neglect creating a peaceful environment, their adolescent may develop bitter feelings and have difficulties in their program as well as later in life with their own intimate relationships. Reminding parents to relate maturely and with a healthy sense of respect for the other parent (even in the face of great differences and in some cases bad feelings) is the challenge for every parent.
Fostering such an environment teaches their adolescent much about love, life, change, and family relationships.
Being in a program/school or outdoor program brings about many changes in the lives of both parents and the adolescent. One change for adolescents may be in their immediate support network at the program/school.
As we know, some parents move to a new community before their adolescent returns home. This move might also include changing relationships with extended family members. When changes are necessary, making sure the program and the parent coordinator give the adolescent ample notice about them and discuss them with the child\'s therapist/staff support while still in their program, is of the utmost importance. The more comfortable parents are with such changes the more comfortable their adolescent will be. In the days just after their adolescent returns home from their youth program or wilderness program there is usually an adjustment period that can last for several weeks and oftentimes several months. During this time, people are adjusting to new routines, schedules, and living situations. It may take time for life to seem normal again. Some kids are open about their feelings and the associated changes they experience. Others will be less vocal. Let's give them all the assistance available to make their hard work successful and long lasting, as well as support the staff of the programs and schools that are doing such a wonderful job!
Sample Checklist for a stable home environment after an adolescent returns home from their program:
Avoid too frequent changeovers between homes if this is a two household family.
Be nurturing, supportive, and available.
Create routines and schedules.
Develop a firm parenting schedule that provides frequent and regular contact with the nonresident parent.
Do not burden children with adult responsibilities.
Do not rely on children to be your confidants or companions.
End parental conflict, at least within the adolescent's earshot.
Provide clear rules and limits and be consistent
Support children\'s relationships with their other parent and that parent\'s extended family.
Seek out other sources of social support for your children.
A well-thought-out and executed parenting plan is an important tool for ensuring the health and well being of adolescents leaving a program. A good parenting plan will outline how they may perform co-parenting responsibilities. It also details how the parents will handle activities of daily living and caring for their kids.
The parenting plan is a living document that must evolve with the needs of their growing adolescent as well as respect all the changes and hard work they have just accomplished in their program. Children are our most precious resource. We must protect them from undue hurt and turmoil. This is a way we an all work together to make sure family reunification and program success go hand in hand.
For more information, email: Dore Frances @ Dore@DoreFrances.com or call at (541) 312-4422.
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